This isn't at all trying to sound preachy, but I have been inspired by God to jot a few thoughts down. I may study theology, I may be a theologian by profession, but some lessons about the soul, about evil, about God...these can't be studied in a classroom. They can only be learned from human experience:
Every day, thanks to the grace of God, I am growing a little wiser, a little stronger (in all senses of tripartite anthropology: Body, Soul and Spirit) and a little more at peace.
I foolishly stated that I thought I was finding the real me in the "relationship" I was in before, but I have come to realize that if anything, parts of my identity were being assimilated and stripped away. Because when you are with someone who has willingly gave his soul away, he has no identity left of his own. And as a result, he will try to mold, meld and morph himself and you in the process into something beyond any recognition.
It is only through the blessing I received as an end result that I was able to reconnect with the real me that was slowly slipping away. I am in awe of the friendship that God has put before me and the thought that someone would be evil enough to try to drive a wedge between two people who had never even met is beyond disheartening. It has confirmed the existence of Satan for me as well. For a long time, I was trapped in the modern theologian's perception that "Satan" is nothing more than a cop-out, a way for humans to blame their downfalls on. The greatest accomplishment that Satan can claim is that he has convinced the world he doesn't exist. I know better now and I will use that as a spiritual tool.
I have also rediscovered and reappreciated the beauty that is the soul. I have come to an understanding that the soul is intimately entwined with our identity. We are all familiar with the stories of people selling their souls, but my experience from this "relationship" has shown me the true alternative. It seems it is more the case that people discover their souls and are terrified by this thought. Because to discover your soul is to discover the real you: The person of/not of moral character, The person of care/the person of wrecklessness. Also, to discover your soul, to truly discover your soul...is to find God and to realize that there is someone/something in life that is greater than you. And too many people cannot handle this thought. Too many people cannot handle the reflection of their true selves. Or even worse, they can't handle the beauty and greatness of God. The Devil doesn't have to buy anything, because they willingly give it away.
And as a result, they are all too aware of the immediate emptiness they feel inside. Because to give away your soul is to give away yourself. And even worse, you have just given away grace and have damned yourself. Just because you have groupies in your life worshipping you, that does NOT make you God. That makes you pathetic. You can fill the void with all the drugs and alcohol you want, you can try to bed as many women as you want and justify it by saying you are trying to find true love. But you lost the love of your life when you turned your back from God, so everything in your life is going to be shallow, bitter, angry and meaningless. Life can have no meaning when there is no soul to breathe it meaning, and meaning is nothing without God.
As Jesus said in Matthew 16:26, "For what has a man profited if he has gained the entire world but has lost his soul?" Or what would a man exchange for his soul?"
Is it really worth it to feel so dead inside that the only prayers you offer is to die quickly so you don't have to deal with this emptiness and guilt? To see the results of ugliness begin to physically manifest themselves upon you as constant reminders of the sins you have commited and the beauty you gave up? So, you can have an impressive doctorate from an elite school, but if you have given the real you away in the process to obtain it...was it really worth it?
