2.16.2006

Reflections on Divine Wounding

My words don't even seem adequate anymore. But I have come to realize over the past two weeks just how appropriate the title of my blog truly is. For to have the divine wounding, is to realize that sometimes God deals with the soul in such a great and magnificent way that He leaves behind a sign as a reminder. God has pierced my soul and made me so intensely aware of who I am.

Jacob is the ultimate example of a person touched by divine wounding. Jacob is a swindler. He cheats his brother Esau out of his rightful inheritance, and later becomes convinced his brother will kill him. Jacob attempts to run away, but you can't run away from the very Being that gave you legs to begin with. And God always finds us, especially when we are at our most vulnerable. Genesis 32:24-30 says:

"So Jacob was left alone and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he touched his hip socket, and Jacob's hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. Then he said, “Let me go, for the day has broken.” But Jacob said, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” And he said to him, “What is your name?” And he said, “Jacob.” Then he said, “Your name shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel for you have striven with God and with men, and have prevailed.” Then Jacob asked him, “Please tell me your name.” But he said, “Why is it that you ask my name?” And there he blessed him. So Jacob called the name of the place Peniel, saying, “For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life has been delivered.”

Wrestling is about forcing a man down until he can no longer move, until he must claim utter surrender and submission at the hands of a much worthier opponent. The thigh is the strongest part of the body. And yet there must come a day when God dislocates that thigh, totally undermining and undoing our strength and source of nature. Your strong point and mine may be different from Jacob's....ambition, boasting, addiction, self-love....all of us has our own. But for each of us, this dislocating work is a definite crisis of experience.

Divine wounding is painful. For to be pierced by God is to recognize grace and ultimate love. As a result, it forces you to confront your own sins and imperfections. Divine wounding hurts because you realize you don't deserve it, and yet you are being granted it anyway.

One touch and Jacob was lame. He could no longer wrestle, he was powerless. Dawn came and he said to God, "I will not let you go." But when any member, even a finger, is dislocated, the whole body is put out of action. Physically speaking, if God had wanted to let go, He perfectly could have gone off and left Jacob there. Jacob could not have possibly held him.

But now that Jacob was truly weak, God the Wrestler, could not leave him. For Jacob depended on Him. It is when our thigh has been touched that we can hold God the closest. We are strongest when we are weakest (2 Corinthians 12:10)

As St. Paul said, "The wound which you bear in God's way brings a change of heart too good to regret; but the wound which is borne in the world's way brings death." Divine wounding is painful, but it's also liberating. It is joyous and healing. Jesus received the ultimate divine wounding, and it was only through these wounds that we were able to be healed.

Physically, I carry reminders of the divine wounding. My colitis reminds me that I need to slow down, that I have to stop controlling every detail of my life. It reminds me that I am lame and weak, and thus need to depend on the Lord more than ever. But divine wounding goes much deeper than that. The real wound strikes into your innermost being. Visible wounds are only a symbol of the invisible wound of the soul. Sadly, some peoples' souls are so wounded that track marks, self-inflicted cuts, self burns...these become the physical wounds that manifest themselves. And they aren't from God.

The healing of the wounds of love can only come from Him who inflicted the wounds to begin with. That is why I lament for the people in my life I see wounding themselves. Because these aren't from God, and so true healing can never happen.

I went through a very painful experience with someone, and the impact of it was the divine wounding that has been implanted upon my soul. God used this experience as a reminder, a painful reminder, but one I will never forget. I am reminded of the fragile nature of the soul. I am reminded of all the sins I willingly did under the guise of "love." He has also given my wound a chance to heal, and He has done that by bringing something I had been searching for all along.....an extraordinary friend. Extraordinary in the sense that with this person, I see grace made physically present. And my heart finds peace as a result.